The First Time

I will always remember my first time... to see my baby that is. My very first thought was "pull out the DNA tester." I wasn't so much concerned whether or not the baby was mine, I was more concerned that he was human verses some sort of alien monster's child.

I have seen Shar Pei pups with less wrinkles. Also, his skin was a shade of purple to make most sunsets blush.  As quickly as a nice summer sunset, the purple started to fade. I think the only word for the new color appearing was... pale.  I guess that is exactly what a persons would look like after sitting nine months in a hot tub only to emerge and take one's first breaths.

I have to say I was super impressed with how fast the hospital nurses wiped all of the... stuff... off of him and got him all wrapped up and snuggled with his mom! They were so fast that neither Jamie or I thought to check out the gender of the baby. "Wait," Jamie said, "we haven't seen what it is yet."

A quick reveal showed that he was indeed a boy. "Way to go son." I thought... although he did nothing really important except be male.  I guess if it was a girl I would have thought something stupid like... "there goes daddy's line of credit."

I thought babies were supposed to be cute so they would bond better with their parents!  Next thought --- I kid you not --- "Holy CRAP! Jamie thinks the baby IS cute, cone head and all!!!"

"Look Sam," she says, "he looks just like you!"

All bald jokes aside, I guess I'd better start the botox and tanning sessions asap!